Thursday, December 6, 2012

I never knew

Sometimes life throws you a few curve balls. Most of the time you can swerve and miss them. Sometimes they hit you smack in the face. This time I feel like life has punch throat my family and then stole our lunch money. WOW.

I never knew how much pain cancer can cause a entire family. She may be the one with cancer but we all suffer. We are all in pain. This is all so shitty.

I never knew how hard it would be to watch M as his mother slipped further and further from life.

There will be no more Linda Lou apple pies, no more random goodwill buys, no more bitching about banging and clanging in the kitchen at 4am because she wanted toast. No more talks about the real housewives. No more sitting outside watching the hummingbirds. H will have no more dance parties with her Mawmaw. God I'd give anything to hear her glide her noisy house shoes across the hard wood floors.

I never knew that she would love me as her own. That even though I was thirty + she would ALWAYS tell me to put my seat belt on. She would drive me crazy at times, like every mother does but I would give anything for her to open her eyes and say just anything.

I never knew how hard it would be to watch someone's heart beat, lungs pump air but them be so far away from life. She's just there. THERE. Out of touch with life and in the hands of Jesus.

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